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- Peter: Jesus, I'll follow you wherever you go! I got your back! I'll die for you!
- Jesus: Peter, you're full of shit.
- Peter:
- Jesus: So, everyone, Judas is gonna give me up to the priests. I'm gonna get my ass whipped, be crucified on a cross, die, chill in a tomb for three days, and skip out three days later.
- Disciples: What the f***?
- Jesus: Okay, here come the Pharisees!
- Pharisees: Are you Jesus?
- Jesus: Are you kidding.
- Pharisees: Yep, this is Jesus.
- *Jesus is beaten and whipped*
- Pilate: Uh, dudes, he's done nothing wrong.
- People: Crucify him!!!!
- Pilate: Shit.
- *Jesus is crucified*
- Jesus: Father, I place my life in your hands!
- *He dies*
- ...3 days later...
- Mary Mags: Let's get burial spices for Jesus.
- Other Mary: Sounds good.
- *the tomb is empty*
- Mary's: Wtf?
- Jesus: Hey! What's up?
- Mary's: OMFG.
- Jesus: Go tell everyone I'm back.
- Mary's: Yo, Jesus is back!
- Disciples: Yeah right.
- Jesus: Hey guys!
- Disciples: WHAT.
- Jesus: Told yah.
- Thomas: Let me stick my fingers through your hands.
- Jesus: Okay...
- Thomas: Shit, this really is Jesus.
- Jesus: Duh.
- Discples:
- Jesus: So, got any food?
